Previous note: In this post about “Anguish and Anxiety in relationships” I propose some reflections, in addition to bringing testimonies, whose names have been changed to preserve the identity of the deponents.
We have a great facility to look at the past and take out of our “chest” a lot of things that we put back in our present.
A betrayal that someone has committed, slander, discord , Lovinga.com disagreement, etc., things that should be in the past, we bring up every day, which continue to plague our existence.
At present, there are many times when we find ourselves in very complicated situations: debts to pay and not having money; illness and doctors who don’t give much hope; rebellious children; a marriage without respect or love.
It could be so many things…
The truth is that the human being is the same everywhere. He suffers, cries, laments and often despairs. This is part of our humanity.
And that’s why many get tired of life, don’t even deal with the problems of today and still have to carry the problems that they can’t solve anymore, precisely because they are in the past.
Sometimes we intentionally hurt each other in our relationships, sometimes unintentionally, but in both cases it takes a lot of compassion to generate and sustain unity.
The true union, friendship or relationship that exists mutual support, people experience compassion, being a space for benevolence, where mistakes are not constantly remembered, but forgiven and overcome.
It is not possible to have unity in the workplace, in a community organization or in the family without forgiveness, as bitterness and resentment always destroy relationships.
When we are hurt by another person, we have a choice to make: retaliate or resolve. It is not possible to do both when using our energies and emotions to resolve the issue. Many are hesitant to show compassion because they don’t understand the difference between trusting and forgiving.
Forgiving means letting go of the past. Trust has to do with future behavior.
Is it necessary to trust?
Trust requires history, regardless of the therapeutic action Lovinga.com we choose to take. Unforgiveness can turn into emotional cancer, a lethal source of permanent bitterness.
However, we are not expected to immediately trust the person who has hurt us, nor are we expected to continue to allow them to offend us. They need to cultivate and prove over time that they have changed in order to regain our trust.
The ideal is to seek the help of a professional to carry out a therapy, because alone you can see the light under the rubble, you cannot visualize the real dimension of the problem!
A deep restoration is needed to control anxiety and anguish, so that we avoid making desperate or hasty decisions, as well as not acting on their forces or impulses.
There are hurts to be healed and, like a thermometer, you will have to reset the hurt that is currently very strong in order to restore the relationship.
Restlessness and expectation, not infrequently, take control of our mind and body. As a result of this situation, we become nervous and impatient, leaving those who are with us the noble disposition of patience and tolerance in the face of our unbearable behavior.
So live the seconds, minutes and hours today, until the day is over, walk step by step through the minefield with strength and determination, without haste. Have the serenity to accept everything you cannot change and the wisdom to distinguish what you can and cannot change.
Depositions: Anxiety in Relationships
“You know, a lot of things are going on in my thoughts and in my heart, I’m actually not able to see and have security, and it makes me distressed. It seems that I’m not part of her plans… What I miss is listening and realizing that I’m loved, I don’t know what to do… She had the intention of going to Japan, and I told her that I didn’t feel safe to do this travel. After all, he had been involved with someone else, and I don’t know how he feels.” (Statement by Mr. José*).
“Last Sunday my spouse came to my house to see our son and we chatted for a while. He’s sick, thin, sad. Several times I saw him with eyes full of tears… he said that he is not well and that his life has turned into a hurricane, but that these were consequences of his own choices, and that there was no way to fix it, and everything was finished. His desire to quit his job and go away, disappear… he’s been looking for me, and he says his life has become hell, and the only person he trusts is me! I can’t turn my back on him, I need to help him, I want him back.” (Statement by Ms. Maria*).
“I got divorced… my heart is not at peace, I feel almost always anguished, anxious to have someone, because I can’t stand being alone, without a person, without a legal companion”. (Statement by Mr. João*).
Things are not going well! – Anxiety in Relationships
Between him and me, living together is unbearable, and as things depend on me to get a little better, it is very difficult, because I have no interest in being by his side. I can’t kiss him, hug him, let alone have sex! And this ends up hurting even more, because he starts feeling despised, with his self-esteem down there, then he ends up falling into temptation and goes to drugs: alcohol and powder”. (Statement by Ms. Ana*).
“Fear of suffering is a nickname, I am terrified. And as much as I put it in God’s hands, I can’t imagine how to get through this minefield. I think he doesn’t love me anymore, he’s cold, he’s a stranger.” (Statement by Ms. Paula*).
“At the time the adultery happened, my husband was angry with me for several reasons, but he had no idea of the pain I felt, and the security I needed in him, and I would need to hear from him that he loved me, and he would never do it. but what he did, he wouldn’t leave me, I was the most valuable thing!” (Statement by Ms. Lucia*).
If you identify and understand that you need to make changes in your life, regarding problems that need to be solved, make an appointment or send a message by WhatsApp (11 99469-4246), so we can talk about what is happening. I’m Antonio. I have more than 35 years of experience as a clinical psychologist, conflict specialist. I look forward to your contact so we can walk together!
My approach is Systemic Therapy, – Anxiety in Relationships
Through systemic treatment we will walk together in order to develop. The skills necessary for you to achieve fundamental changes in your mood. Behaviors and relationships.
I can help you solve problems in personal, marital and professional relationships. To better deal with stress, self-esteem, to feel more secure and self-confident.
RELATED ARTICLE: Affective Relationships: How am I affecting myself in my relationship?
There are moments in our life that lead us to personal Anxiety in Relationships conflicts like pain. Depression, anxiety, anguish, sadness, fear, guilt, shame, despair, sometimes. We cry for any reason. There is a feeling that we are losing control. That we are not understood by the people around us. We are chained to strong emotions, thoughts and behaviors. That are not part of our personality, and. We are unable to solve our problems that we face. You are going through love conflicts in your marriage, or difficulties in your family relationship. And it seems that everything will fall apart. That your floor will open up… Our mind remains fixed on the problem. We try to adopt behaviors. That avoid direct confrontation with the unwanted situation. However it is the discomfort that hurts us, and remains within us.