A Deal With Breakup is not a trip to Tenerife, a beer that you open after a hard day’s work or something that you want to experience during your next vacation. On the contrary, ending a relationship can bully us, chew on us, and spit us out like little else – especially when you don’t know how to deal with a breakup.
Although from the outside, the pain after ending a relationship often seems like a cry for attention, research has shown that the breakup literally hurts physically. It turned YourLatinMates.com out that after a breakup, the same areas in your brain ignite, which also activate if you break your leg.
In this situation, people buy a bottle of wine (women) or whiskey (men), hoping that a hangover will help them in something. Then they sit down with their friends, complain about the ex, and when a few months have passed, they keep repeating the advantages of the ex in their minds. The problem is, neither of these behaviors helps.
How Can I Deal With Breakup?
There are three most important conditions.
1. Take care of yourself
Columbia University’s Myron Hofer studied how to deal with breakup by separating baby rats from their mothers. It turned out that rats become less active then, their hearts start beating slower and their levels of growth hormones decrease. To deal with these effects, Hofer decided to take care of the rats as lovingly as that they experienced from their mothers. First, the small rats were heated with a heating mat, then fed and then petted with a brush, thus imitating the female’s licking.
They found that feeding the rats helped keep their hearts working at a normal level, keeping them warmed up to keep their activity levels normal, and brushing helped increase their growth hormone levels. However, there was only one thing that could remove all the negative symptoms at once – reunion with my mother.
It is the same with us. The only quick fix to remove all the negative consequences of a breakup is to return to that relationship. The problem is that this also applies to those relationships that no one should ever want to go back to.
In addition, dealing with the breakup is not conducive to the fact that very few people care about each other after the breakup. To make it easier for the rats to break up, they were fed, heated and their fur brushed. I wouldn’t suggest now that you need a proper brushing, but a break-up is when you need support and tenderness the most, but statistically you do the opposite.
You are immersed in negative thoughts. Neglect yourself. You reach for stimulants. Throw junk food in yourself. You don’t know what to fill the void with, YourLatinMates so you sink into boredom and sew up at home. Effect? After a few weeks, you are Ragnar Lothbrok, who was imprisoned in McDonalds, and comparing your current life with the times of your relationship, you come to the conclusion that before that it was fun.
What to do in this situation? Make plans to fill the void after breakup and give yourself the best – supportive people who will listen and cuddle you, exercise, delicious, healthy food, go for a few days, learn something new and be outdoors.
After breaking up, it may seem that the whole world has stopped, but taking care of these things will prove to you that the world is still doing just as well and has plenty of noteworthy experiences.
2. Cut yourself off from the past – Deal With Breakup
I had a friend who asked me how to deal with the breakup after three years. In fact, it was his fault. He still hoped to come back. Idealized his ex-girlfriend. Asked his friends about what was going on with her. He was hoping for a more or less accidental meeting. The parting hurt like a broken leg, but instead of taking the time to heal, he kept jumping on it.
A breakup does not always have to be final . There are couples who get back together and with a little self-awareness they can solve problems. There is only a difference between saying, “Ok, let’s see if we can do something else about it, and if not, let’s move on” and standing in the open door with a view of the past.
He never ended this relationship because of his behavior. Just put a comma. He pressed a pause. He was taking a break. Focused on the merits of a relationship that ceased to exist, on missing it, and on what he lost. The problem is that breaking up is not the time to think well about the relationship. This is the moment to remember why you broke up. The reason is simple – because the breakup doesn’t give you any extra points for this relationship.
If the breakup happened on your initiative, it does not remove all the dysfunctional elements that you wanted to escape from the relationship. And if it was someone who left you, just because that person said you weren’t enough for them doesn’t make them perfect. On the contrary, someone who doesn’t want you by definition is not perfect for you.
So, instead of thinking only about the good sides of this relationship, write down what it really looked like, what didn’t suit you, and how you felt about it. Recreate your Pointless Quarrel No. 917 (and previous 916) in your head and bring up a feeling of being irrelevant and ignored. Even if your longing is completely real, the bad feelings that were present in your relationship were also real. And you know what? If there was a breakup, there were more of these negative experiences. Much more.
3. Give yourself a chance for a fresh start – Deal With Breakup
When you break up, you are often only able to look backwards. Get lost in thinking about what you have lost. You recreate your best memories and are painfully stung to know that you will never repeat them again.
You remember dancing on the wooden floor lit by strings of light bulbs in the hipster pub. How you got lost in Greece and discovered the place with the best olive oil on earth. How you spent together those dozens of ordinary evenings that became special in your memories.
It is with you knowing that it is over now that you have broken up. Only the breakup is not about the ending. Breaking up is about a fresh start.
RELATED ARTICLE: Feminism Does Not Exist in A Healthy Relationship
One of my friends used to be in a relationship with a guy who acted like a dick. He wasn’t going to get involve, he didn’t show her affection. She couldn’t count on him, and at the same time the chicks. He flirted with behind her back could count on him. Even after they broke up, however, it would be enough for him to nod his finger. And she would come back to him. First, she waited for his contact. Three months later, she wrote to him herself under. The pretext of his birthday. He ignore her, and she had another disappointment.
But instead of sinking into that state, she ask herself: What is this teaching me? Why didn’t it work out? What pissed her off? What could she do better? Who should she give this time a chance?
By the end of the year, she was already with a guy who was as attractive as her ex, but who also gave her interest and was loyal.