When it comes to the topic of abusive relationships , commonly one of the most cliché phrases are those like “this is not love” , or “have more self-love”. But is it really that when it comes to this type of relationship there is no love? What do people want to say about this self-love?
I emphasize that my intention in this text is not to present characteristics of what an abusive relationship is, but to try to make you reflect on this subject, and also to think about YourLoveMeet.com possible causes that allow the victim of the relationship to sustain this place.
Let’s think through love. What will that feeling be?
Well, then, to explain this maybe I would have to recite the most beautiful and tragic poems, poems and songs that bind the person you love in such a way, making this person read or repeat the same song a lot of times.
Art embodies love in a symbolic way, which in fact helps us to elaborate words that explain what one feels, that is, art is one of the attempts to elucidate what love is, bringing feeling into the symbolic field. , transforming love into tangible ways of experiencing it.
But theoretically, love would be to seek in the Other what is lacking in itself, seeking in this Other a form of completeness. You can often hear in common sense that “to love is to make two bodies one”, as a kind of symbiosis.
In this obstinacy, the subject tends to renounce a large part of his desire; after all, in order to be loved it is necessary to give up something of your own, but this act is done in exchange, as it renounces part of the desire to gain something from it, in this case it would be the love of the other person.
Since I touched on this subject “something in exchange”, I will briefly address part of the Freudian concept of secondary narcissism , in this movement the subject deposits internal feelings on his external level, in order to receive something in return, thinking through YourLoveMeet.com love, we can say : “I love to be loved.”
Another interesting aspect in love can also go through transference. Briefly dialoguing this concept with the theme, I could say that when you love someone (the subject) you unconsciously transfer to the Other all your own feelings, from the most beautiful to the most terrible. If this relationship ends soon, we look for another person, and when we find it, the same feeling is repeated, that is, love is within itself, it just embodies itself in the Other . This is another way of symbolizing our feelings.
Love can be recognized as the main element that allows us to make social bonds, it is what makes us without knowing for sure why. We want so much to be by someone’s side, or we hate someone so much that simply their presence bothers us to the point of choosing to withdraw from the place, for example.
Love is what gives us meaning to wake up and get out of bed, loving investment is not only directed to human beings, but to everything that makes sense for you, from those delicious things to experience to those you never want again. After all, it marked you in an absurd way!
In short, love is not just the romanticism we hear, love is transference, that is, every feeling that inheres us into something, that makes moments, people exist in our memory, everything in general that makes you exist is love.
Abusive relationship and love
Well, if you’ve read all the writing so far, you’ve realized. That love is not limited only to the positive side of life, but to everything you put in someone. So, maybe now it is a little easier to see that in abusive relationships. There is love, yes, but in its most terrible performance. In the one that hurts, which is directed to the masochistic movement, thinking through. The logic of self-aggression, after all, when a relationship is sustain. Something in return is received.
And what does this way of loving provide to you who suffer from it?
Obviously, this text does not refer to dire cases, such as, for example. A person who is under threat of death, or his family. But I am referring to those cases in which the person has. The choice to continue or not in the place of victim, but insists on. Sustaining a relationship. That attacks him/her on a bodily and psychic level.
If we think through the way that love is what makes you give meaning and sustain relationships. We will be talking about the internal sphere of the subject incarnated in the external one. That is, self-love. The person who, without realizing it, experiences his worst days every day for loving someone or a situation. In this logic we are talking about his own way of loving. Whether positive or negative, a peculiar way of putting his world in the world. Even who without conscious intention is face with his worst nightmares. Found in the love relationship.
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Perhaps now is an opportunity to reflect on. The reason for this choice of love: what is it that moves your fantasy of self-annulment. In you to be able to see and love someone? Will this be your only way to love?
If you answer yes, because you realize that in every relationship. The place of victim is repeated, know that it is possible to change. This construction, but for that it is necessary to deconstruct. This meaning that was given to love, it is not about being. “The happiest person” of the world in love”, but to rediscover. The causes that made you experience. This sentimental phenomenon intermittently in the face of suffering.
It is worth mentioning. That deconstructing your way of loving will not change people. But it will change your intimate choices. Your way of experiencing social bonds. You will not stop being who you are, after all, no one heals themselves. But some wounds can be healed. Even though suffering is part of it, it does not mean. That it is necessary to sustain a masochistic movement with what we call love.